What I Wish I Had Known: Resisting the Urge to Live
Jeffrey Cohen reviews Dasia Black’s book.
From the title, the reader would not be aware that this book addresses one of the most serious challenges of our society and time – suicide. I quickly discovered that this book was about the suicide of Dr Black’s son, Jonathan, who was in his early 40s when he took his own life. Dasia wrote this book 15 years after Jonathan’s death. What was unpredictable was that I picked up this book in the week when Jonathan’s yahrzeit fell- some would argue that this was bashert!
Suicide affects males more than females. It seems that it affects two groups of men- those between 25 and 40, but it also impacts those in what is often referred to as “the twilight of life”. This book focuses on the first cohort. As an aside, within the medical profession, the numbers suggest that dentists are more at risk than any other group within medicine.
What is more surprising are two statistics that Black brings. First, for every woman who commits suicide, there are three males. The ratio increases to 4:1 among men aged 45 and 49. Actually, it is the leading cause of death among those aged between 15 and 44- even more than road accidents. She draws on the research of Matt Rudd, whose studies draw on North America, where also the question of ethnic origin highlights some variation between groups. To put meat on the bone, Dasia reminds us that each year not only are there 3,000 Australians are perceived as suicides but as important is that some 65,000 attempt suicide.
One question that each person who picks up this book will ask two questions “why was this book written?” and “for whom is this book?” Ultimately, this book is for the survivors of suicide. By that, I do not mean those who attempt and do not succeed to commit suicide. Rather, it is for the family and friends of those who do commit suicide.
As I began reading this book, I thought back to the scene in the movie Yentl. The young man is afraid that he will not have a good shidduch because his brother was a suicide as if committing suicide is somehow a genetic disease. Fortunately, most of society has now rejected that concept.
If one listens to so-called opinion leaders such as politicians, they want to present suicide as one of the set of illnesses called mental illness. Many readers will remember Prof. Colin Tatz. What most of us do not know is that he published a book (2019) not long before his death with his son, Simon. As Dasia notes from their writing that they “challenged the orthodoxies that 90 per cent or more of suicides are due to mental illness and depression.” Instead it is sociological and often based on despair.
Rather than helping us to recognise the signs that a potential suicide may ‘give off’, it will help survivors to see in Dasia’s journey many or even all the processes experienced. In many ways, it may help survivors on this journey, as did the writing of Kubler-Ross did for those going through the grief process. If this book achieves one of its objectives – the reduction of stigma associated with suicide- then it will have been a significant contribution.
If this book helps a survivor to understand what happened or if it made a friend or family member more aware of the risks of someone suiciding, then it is worthwhile. I worked in mental health for 13 years and have worked with survivors-both those who attempted suicide as well as family and friends- I found this book helpful.
Published by Booktopia Publishing
About the Reviewer
Rabbi Jeffrey Cohen is currently involved in population health at the Sydney Medical campus of the University of Notre Dame Australia. He has worked at a number of other universities including UNSWSydney, the (then) University of Ballarat, Missouri Institute for Mental Health and St Louis University. He currently is involved in four studies on Indigenous Health. He has a research appointment at St. Vincent’s Private Hospital Sydney. He has served on both national and statewide ethics committees
