Shabbat Vayeyshev
Tamar the Righteous Woman
The story of Yehudah and Tamar is a very delicate one that is often overlooked. The brothers as a group had decided to kill Yosef in revenge for his dreams and arrogance. His multi-coloured striped coat was a sign of succession that together with his dreams drove them over the top and it says a lot about sibling rivalry.
Reuven, the eldest son had initially taken the lead in insisting that the brothers do not kill Yosef as they had wanted to. He suggested they imprison or detain him while their anger died down and intended to return Yosef to his father. He disappeared for a while and when he came back Yosef had been sold. It was Yehudah who had taken that initiative and so he was blamed for Yosef’s death as he thought. This was why he was either exiled by his father or perhaps just felt guilty and needed time and s space.
He marries the daughter of a Canaanite man called Shua. The Midrash wonders at this, given Avraham’s attitude to the Canaanite women and indeed Isaac’s warning to Jacob. It is suggested that the word Canaanite was also used not just as a tribe but also a generic term. And why the name of his wife is not mentioned. Perhaps Shua was a good influence, but she was not.
They had three sons Er, Onan and Shelah. Judah takes a wife for Er, the eldest, named Tamar. Er is a bad guy and he dies. There was a very early, pre-Torah tradition that when a brother dies without a son, the wife is married to the next brother and the child keeps the father’s memory, inheritance and position alive (in the Torah it is formalised in Deuteronomy 25.5.) as the law of the Yevamah. So, following this tradition Tamar is then married to Onan. Onan objects to fulfilling his role as providing a son to carry the dead brother’s name, and he too is killed. We are not told how. Onanism is a name the Christian world gave for masturbation. In our understanding it was what they call in Latin, Coitus Interruptus.
Now Tamar expected to marry the third son who was still too young. But in the meantime, Judah sends her home. There is a much earlier custom that some Jewish communities adopted that a wife who loses three husbands is a potential danger (a Katlanit, a killer). Perhaps this was why Judah was reluctant to try again. Tamar sits and waits in her parents’ home but when she sees that Shelah has grown up and nothing is happening, she decides to act. She dresses as a prostitute, disguising herself, and waits for Judah as he comes back alone from shearing his flocks. He lies with her. But when he comes to pay, he has nothing at hand. She demands a pledge. He gives her his staff, ring and seal, and then she disappears. The following day his agent returns with a nice fat goat. He looks for her to redeem the pledge but there is no sign of her. No one knows who she was.
Later, Yehudah hears his daughter-in-law is pregnant. He assumes she has committed adultery and condemns her to death. Even though she had gone home, he still clearly had power over her. She says that she is pregnant by the man who owns the pledges that she produces, and Yehudah realizes he is the father. He accepts that she was not only blameless but uses the word Tsadkah Mimeni (Bereishit 38:26). She is not just right, “but more right than I am.” Positively saintly, a better person than he. Ability to admit failure is an important feature of a great man.
Tamar produces twins Paretz and Zarach. Zarach’s arm came out first and the midwife tied a red thread around it. But Zarach’s arm was pulled back in and Paretz’s body came out first. Incidentally here is the first example of a red thread around the wrist. There is no suggestion that the red thread brought or would bring good luck! Only that the testimony of a midwife is accepted in a court of law! And Paretz becomes the forefather of King David. Amazingly therefore King David was descended from Ruth a Moabite woman. And bear in mind that Moshe too had married an ‘alien’, and she also saved him on the way down to Egypt. But that did not stop them being the founders of our people.
What do we learn from this? That intentions and motives count. Sometimes the very same act may be one of immorality and corruption. Yet, on the other hand, an act of commitment and righteousness can have long term a positive impact. It also reflects the importance of justice and righteousness and that even if one makes wrong decisions, it is possible to atone and make up for it.
Bereishit Chapters 37 -40:23
Rabbi Jeremy Rosen lives in New York. He was born in Manchester. His writings are concerned with religion, culture, history and current affairs – anything he finds interesting or relevant. They are designed to entertain and to stimulate. Disagreement is always welcome.
