Shabbat Chayey Sarah: Mind Your Language
The reading from the Torah this week starts off with Avraham burying Sarah his wife in “The Cave of Machpelah” which he buys from the Hittites who were living there at that time.
He had to enter into complicated, diplomatic negotiations made all the more convoluted by rituals of negotiation and ceremonial language, before finally gaining the confidence both of the elders of the tribe and the owner of the land he wanted to buy. One can imagine the number of bows, handshakes, and rules he had to follow. But he did, and successfully completed the deal. Then having settled the affairs of one generation he moved on to the next.
He was anxious to find a wife for his son Isaac, who was going to inherit his estate and his spiritual mission. Avraham had a non-Jewish manager of his affairs who was called Eliezer of Damascus (although his name is not mentioned here) and he called him in and got him to swear that he would carry out this mission of finding a wife for his son.
He said, “ I want you to swear that you will not take a wife for my son from the Canaanite daughters whom I dwell amongst, but you must go to the land of my birth and find a wife for my son Isaac.” The servant then asked him “What if the woman doesn’t consent to come back with me to this land?” To which Abraham replied, “Under no circumstances should you take my son back there” ( Genesis Chapter 24 ). it’s clear from this that he didn’t hold the people of the lands he came from in very high regard. But it seems he did regard them as marginally better than the Canaanites. Avraham was actually born in Ur of the Chaldees which was down by the Persian Gulf. Then his father Terach took his two sons Nachor and Avraham and started migrating up along the Euphrates and they settled in Haran a city in Aram Naharayim, between the Tigris and Euphrates, where Kurdistan is today. Terach died and Avraham with his nephew Lot moved down to Cannon leaving his brother’s family in Haran. And yet he specifically said to his servant to go back to my birthplace which was not Haran. Was this intentional? Because Eliezer went directly to Haran. Was that his idea?
There Eliezer took it upon himself to do a deal with God asking him to find the right wife for his master’s son and he devised a test that would test the character of the prospective bride to see if she was good good-natured and charitable person. But also someone with the strength of character to partner with a more passive spouse. Both qualities that surely Avraham would have wanted but had not mentioned. Rebecca passed both tests by offering Eliezer water and taking the initiative to offer to water the camels too. He was so impressed that he immediately put on some bracelets and bangles as if to engage her without knowing anything about her family. Only then did he ask who she was. And lo and behold it transpired that she actually was a relative of Isaac through his father’s side—the daughter of Betuel Avraham’s nephew.
Eliezer was brought home by Lavan to Betuel, and they made a fuss of him ( obviously impressed by his wealth) and he began to tell them the circumstances of his visit. But you will notice that when he told them about the purpose of his visit he said “My master made me swear that I would not take a wife for his son from the Canaanites who I live amongst, but I should go back to my father’s home and to my family to take a wife for my son” (Chapter 24:17). But this is not exactly what Abraham said. He did not mention his family. Are we to assume he implied or conveyed it in some way? Or are we to assume that Eliezer intentionally embellished the instructions to them in order to achieve his aim of bringing this girl back home by persuading the family that this was all part of a divine supernatural plan? At the same time, it is clear that Lavan was a calculating individual who could not be trusted.
We can learn from this that language is very important. When one receives an order from someone one has to try to understand more than the surface of what that person says and wants. In negotiation, one should consider what one is trying to achieve and how to achieve it. How to persuade the people one is negotiating with that one is negotiating in good faith and that the deal is a good one. Language can be used positively or negatively, creatively, or destructively, honestly, or dishonestly.
Much of the book of Genesis is concerned with relationships, between parents and children, siblings, political and economic rivals, and different cultures. Some may look at these narratives and think they are rather naive. But in fact, if you peel away the surface you see they are surprisingly sophisticated and have important lessons to convey to us today.
And certainly, in the times that we’re living at the moment when language can do so much harm and when negotiations are playing such an important part in our lives, knowing how to negotiate, what it is that one hopes to achieve and the best way of achieving it, all stand out as very important current issues for us and our people.
Genesis Chapters 23-25:18
Rabbi Jeremy Rosen lives in New York. He was born in Manchester. His writings are concerned with religion, culture, history and current affairs – anything he finds interesting or relevant. They are designed to entertain and to stimulate. Disagreement is always welcome.
