Abduction *
Perhaps the only way to approach Abduction that will not result in a 105-minute boredom-induced coma is to think of it as a comedy, preferably with a drinking game attached. There are laughs to be had, although none of them are intentional. Girls (and gay guys) enraptured by Taylor Lautner’s smoldering eyes and well-formed pecs aren’t likely to be overly concerned about his wooden dialogue delivery or unchanging facial expression, but everyone else will be chortling. This is a miscasting of mammoth proportions.
It boggles the mind that someone thought Lautner could make it as an action hero. On some level, I suppose it makes sense. Looking at a specimen like Arnold Schwarzenegger, arguably the biggest action icon of the ’80s, one could develop a model: nice chest, bulging biceps, limited emotional range, incomprehensible dialogue delivery. The problem is, Schwarzenegger was always a “man’s man,” whereas Lautner is generally despised by straight males of all ages. That makes Abduction an action/thriller with females as its primary audience, which is box office poison. Over the years, with rare exceptions, action films have struck gold on the strength of teenage boys.
